CHILD-ON-PARENT VIOLENCE
Child-on-parent violence (CPV), known by a range of names and acronyms, is believed to affect an estimated 3-5% of households. There is a high prevalence among adoptive families and the families of neurodivergent children and young people.
CPV is defined as a pattern of controlling, coercive or violent behaviour by a child (under 18) and is recognised as a form of domestic abuse under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021.
The term covers a range of behaviours, including physical violence such as punching or kicking, verbal abuse, emotional abuse in the form of threats or manipulation, financial abuse, e.g. stealing and spending on credit cards, and destruction of property. The targets may be mothers, fathers, siblings or carers, and research suggests mothers are at higher risk, especially from male children, though the potential for girls to be violent should not be underestimated.
Some organisations put the start date at around 8 years old, believing that the violence from younger children is mild and in line with developmental norms, but many families know that extreme violence can be displayed by very young children, and that if it’s not effectively addressed it is likely to continue through adolescence and into adulthood. There are two patterns: early onset (pre-puberty) that escalates during adolescence and late onset that emerges during puberty and rapidly escalates. The stigma and shame parents feel may prevent them from seeking early support, but even once they overcome their reluctance to come forward, it can be hard to convey the levels of risk and fear that they may be dealing with on a day-to-day basis.
CPV can occur alongside other risky behaviour, at school and in the community, putting support systems under strain. School placements may repeatedly break down, leaving the child or young person and their parents increasingly isolated and desperate.
Care-experienced children and young people may bring into their alternative families the effects of the developmental trauma they experienced in their early years. They may be re-enacting violence or abuse that they experienced themselves, and may appear to be pushing for the family to break down and for them to return to care, in an extreme effort to exert some control over their lives.
Among neurodivergent young people, CPV is often linked to dysregulation caused by nervous system overload through sensory distress, communication challenges, emotional regulation difficulties and executive functioning differences. Understanding neurodivergence is crucial to recognising that traditional disciplinary approaches are unlikely to be effective and that individualised empathetic relational strategies are necessary.
In some cases, service responses can be based on a misconception that the child’s behaviour is caused by some identifiable and remediable parental deficit. At ATTACH-Manchester we understand that the child’s triggers may be entirely outside the influence of the parent: the demands of school, friendship difficulties, heightened responses to online gaming, assessments and visits with professionals. Sometimes the remedy can initially increase the risk.
Police and social services are increasingly recognising the need for tailored responses rather than treating it just as a criminal or child protection matter where they deem the child to be beyond parental control. Where school placements and other potentially supportive relationships have broken down, at the point where these services become involved it can be difficult to create the physical and psychological containment and the relational safety that these families require.
A standard safeguarding response can monitor risk and respond when it reaches a particular level, but in many cases the breakdown of relationships in school and in the community can mean that it is hard for the system to respond in a way that isn’t experienced as an additional threat by the young person and their parents.
Within our team, we have lived experience of CPV and of navigating systems for support, and have designed our provision with this in mind. Our approach combines support for the young person with parent and family support, promoting a sense of safety and agency for both, through non-coercive relational support.
A note on the use of the word ‘abuse’. Some groups object to the use of the word ‘abuse’ in the context of the behaviour of children, and of young children in particular. While we wish to show empathy for the struggles of the young people, we want also to acknowledge the experience of their parents and other people who may be the targets of their actions. Our perception is that, certainly as the young person becomes older, the pattern of behaviour may alter and become comparable to recognisable behaviours associated with domestic abuse. We also are clear that if the behaviour is perpetuated in adulthood, and certainly if it escalates beyond the family, it is likely to become harder for the system to justify responding without coercion.
See our resources on trauma, neurodivergence and therapeutic approaches.